You do not wish to marry me at all, that is seen. He may die. “I got Sydney’s telegram at ten o’clock, and caught the ten-thirty from the Gare du Nord. I want very much to do something for women. If only to say goodbye. One of his converted Kanakas dropped in one day. There was nothing on her face to hint of the misery that brimmed her heart this morning. I got myself locked up to cool off. Set yourself to find it out, if you will—but if you do, never dare to call yourself my friend again. In beginning of their marriage Sebastian had maintained a strict monogamy, never upsetting the matrimonial routine. She breathed into a cloth soaked in rose oil as Sebastian had prescribed, but the smell of roses mixed obscenely with the smell of death and decay, causing her to retch. It was about—a question of what I might do or might not do. With what airs we human atoms invest ourselves! What ridiculous fancies of our importance! We believe we have destinies, when we have only destinations: that we are something immortal, when each of us is in truth only the repository of a dream. She had been careless. As for loving you, I do.
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